Albany... we have a "stage 5 clinger"

"Hello My Lady I'm Noor Male from Syria Single 35 years old Live in Sharjah with my (Mother , Father), I'm Work in Dubai ( Math Teacher ) I Speak Arabic and a little English but I Study English now I'm separated and have one small boy but not Live at my Flat. I'm a Lone and need a girlfriend for our Life and Learn English and Maybe if our like Marriage Thank you"

What I like to do:Swimm Read Drive walk 

My hot spots:the sea

Nothing says future husband like a profile beginning with "I live with my Mother & Father".  

Gentle man deserve more better woman.....

Yes.... the title of this blog post is what he actually begins his profile with.... VERBATIM. It gets better....

"i am a one woman's man ready to take you by the arm to the alter.. looking for my soul mate, somebody with whom I can share with trust, respect and love.. Seriously honesty and to believe in committing into something that lasts really for as long as you can keep it"


Sigh..... I don't think I'm that "more better woman" for you. 

First Date Conversation

Guys,

Please understand that I am a very passionate, sexual person. However, that does NOT mean that I am going to discuss with you what I am willing, or unwilling, to do in the boudoir on the first fricking date! I don't even want to discuss that with you on the 2nd or 3rd date! So on our first date, when you ask me if I swallow... we have a BIG problem. NOT CLASSY DUDE!

Also, please refrain from jamming your tongue down my throat on a first date. How do my lungs taste?! Christ!

Calgon... take him away!

If you are taking a bubble bath in your profile photo, we are NOT compatible. You may as well be sipping a Cosmo girly man.

Tempting... but NO.

The following was on a match.com profile. The letters WTF?! do not do justice to my reaction.....


"I am a psi and sanguinarian vampire, which basically means I can feed off of psychic energy or blood. I take energy from many sources but I am very selective about whom I drink blood from. I am looking for a human donor to feed from on a regular basis, you must be ok with a sexual relationship because it makes energy transferance much more erotic, and I love the taste of blood when I am all worked up. I am single so a relationship is a possibility. Females only. You must be attractive height/weight proportionate, young and clean, no acceptions, I am extremely selective when it comes to feeding."

Holy Exclamation Marks Batman!!!!!!!!

We are not compatible on match.com when you send me an email and after every sentence you use 3-12 exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are not compatible if you read my profile & send me an email that says this...

"UHHHH I MITE HAVE TO BREEZE THREW THIS SHIT. MITE BE POPPINN!"


I'm assuming by "shit" you are referring to me.... but let me assure you... you're not breezing through me and nothing will be "popping". I know, I know, hard to imagine a woman would NOT go "krazazy" for your ass. I can imagine the conversation would be incredibly stimulating & awe inspiring. 

Sigh....

If your profile name is "FunnyFarter".... you should NOT be in a relationship... you should live in a Frat House.

We are not compatible on match.com if....

...it looks like you are going to murder me, dismember me & drain all the blood out of my body. (This is his ACTUAL profile photo) He lives in Clifton Park ladies.... be careful!

Umm... NO.